5 Important Lessons I’ve Learned As I’ve Gotten Older

Growing up is hard. I always wanted to get out of the house and be independent as fast as possible. Now I look back and ask myself, “Why in the world did I want that?”

This last year or so has been a pretty difficult one for me. Now, I’m starting to get out of it and have been reflecting on my relationships, health, goals, wants, and needs. I’ve learned a lot this past year and in the years since becoming an independent person. So, I figured I’d share some of those lessons with you. Maybe it’ll help one or two of you get through your own struggles and internal battles.

1. You Don’t Always Need to Have an Opinion

I think a lot of people think they need to have an opinion about every single thing. If they are involved in a conversation, they always need to contribute something to the conversation. If they are asked what they think about something or someone, they need to share their opinion. But the truth is, you don’t always need to have an opinion.

I find it really annoying when people share their opinions about every single little thing. Many times, they just spew what they read in the news or watch on the internet. But is that really your opinion, or are you just repeating someone else’s opinion? I try my very best to learn about what I’m talking about before sharing my thoughts. And if I don’t know enough about the topic or just don’t really care to look into it, I’ll just say, “I don’t know enough about that topic to have an opinion.”

Look, I’m not perfect. I definitely have my moments when I want to contribute something to the conversation and probably shouldn’t, but I’m trying.

I think it shows way more character and maturity to say that you don’t know enough about something or aren’t interested in the topic than sharing what tiny thing you know about the topic. It’s perfectly okay not to have an opinion about everything. It doesn’t matter if it’s politics, religion, food preferences, life goals, or whatever.

2. You’re Allowed to Have Your Own Personality and Thoughts

I think many people are scared to voice an “unpopular opinion.” But why must everyone be like everyone else? Why can’t you have a different opinion? Why can’t you dress differently or prefer a different lifestyle? I think as long as you don’t push your views and way of life on others, we are all allowed to have our own personalities and thoughts. And if your friends and family can’t accept you for being your own person, then maybe it’s time to think about what sort of relationship you want with them going forward. Your people should try to accept you for who you are. And you should try to accept them for who they are.

3. It’s Okay to Let Go

One of the things I struggle with the most is letting go of relationships and setting boundaries. I have really evaluated my relationships in the last year or so and have made changes.

Just because someone is your blood or has been in your life for a long time doesn’t mean they have to be in your life forever. Or maybe you need to take a step back from the relationship for now and rekindle it later on.

Every relationship in your life should be a two-way street. That means you both give and take. You both put in effort. You both support one another. You are happy for one another when each of you has wins in your life. You should look forward to spending time with that person. If every time you think about spending time with that person and you dread it, then maybe you should have a deeper conversation with that person and evaluate the relationship going forward.

I know it’s hard to let go or make changes in your relationships, but I promise it’s worth it. You will feel such a sense of relief when you surround yourself with people who uplift you and support you. That doesn’t mean the person you let go is a bad person. It could just mean you’re in different stages of life, or maybe you just don’t understand one another anymore.

I think it’s also important to mention that it’s okay to let go of the goals, wants, and needs you had in the past. Life goes on. People change. Goals, wants, and needs change. That’s just part of growing up.

4. Learn How to Say No

When I first moved to the Netherlands, I hung out with anyone who asked me. I was lonely and sad. I missed my friends and family. I worked remotely for a company in the USA, so I had no one to talk to throughout the day. But that decision to say yes led me to hang out with people who didn’t understand that relationships are a two-way street. They didn’t understand the meaning of commitment and punctuality. They didn’t understand that you should uplift one another instead of constantly finding flaws in each other.

Luckily, I now have a great group of friends who support me and are there for me. They definitely call me out when I’m wrong, but they also support my wins. I can rely on them to show up when they say they will.

I guess my whole point is you don’t need to be friends with everyone. You don’t need to go to the ends of the earth to be there for the people in your life. It’s okay to say that today, you really can’t do whatever it is they want you to do. But tomorrow or the next day is a new day. You’re allowed to set boundaries to protect your mental, emotional, and physical health. Or maybe you just have different life goals than them. You’re allowed to protect your priorities.

5. There Is Nothing More Important Than Your Health

Some people work out to lose weight or look a certain way; my primary reason for working out is so I can wipe my own butt to the very end. I know, a very exciting goal. But if you don’t have good health, what do you have?

I know what it’s like to lose part of my mobility for a long time. I broke my ankle, was misdiagnosed, and ended up in pain for two years plus another year for recovery. It was horrible. I never ever want that to happen ever again. I learned how to advocate for myself and learned how to commit to myself.

I know that when I exercise regularly and eat mostly nutritiously balanced meals, I feel my best. It’s not about being a certain weight or looking a certain way. It’s about being able to walk up stairs, lift my own suitcases, be able to walk around a city for a whole day, and more. It’s about having the energy and strength to do those things. Exercise helps keep you mobile, and food is the fuel for your body. Don’t ever forget that.

Going Forward

I don’t think we ever stop learning lessons or learning about the world. And that’s a good thing. But it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. It’s okay to prioritize yourself and the people you hold most dear to you. No one else is going to live your life, so you might as well live your best life. I know it may sound cheesy, but it’s so true. Live for yourself and chase your dreams, even if that’s just spending your days off reading and baking.

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What lesson(s) have you learned as you’ve gotten older?