How the Heck Do I Make Friends in the Netherlands?

Let me tell you, making friends in the Netherlands is hard work. Believe it or not, it’s like a chore. I have never in my life ever had to work so hard to make friends. To make matters worse, we are in a freaking pandemic. I feel for you people. I moved here before the pandemic, but the struggles never stop. Met a Dutch person, had a good conversation and thought you’d be besties? Wrong! You’ll be lucky if you ever hear from them again. The truth is, every country has their own way of socializing, and the Netherlands is not the easiest place to make some best buddies.

Making friends isn’t only hard because you have to find people to make friends with, but it’s also hard because of the process. It’s like dating. Meet someone, have a drink and call it a night. If it went well, you might talk again. If not, you gotta find a new person to do that with. Not once, not twice, but likely many more times. It’s tough people. I went through it, so I get you. 

I kinda get why Dutch people don’t let new people in. It takes too much energy. I used to be so excited when someone new messaged me asking to meet up. Now that I have good friends, I actually think about it. Is it worth it to invest my energy in figuring out if the person is going to get along with me and fit into my life? I’m going to share how I made friends here, and hopefully that’ll help any of you who are struggling with the same thing.

Reach Out and Take Initiative 

I know this isn’t easy, but reach out to people. Who? Well, everyone and anyone in all those expat groups you’re a part of. I’m sure there are plenty of people struggling to make friends. Are you not comfortable enough to message individuals? Post a post telling everyone a little about yourself and that you’d like to meet like-minded individuals. 

Respond and Participate

If someone messages you or posts in the group about meeting up or something, join! I always just said, oh, I’m not in the mood. Or, it’s too far. Or, I’ll meet so many people I probably won’t like. Is it really worth it? Yes, it is dude. It’s so worth it. Who knows, maybe you’ll finally make a good friend. You’ll never know.

Meetup & Airbnb Experiences

I regret that I didn’t do this, so that’s why I’m so adamant that you do. There is an app called Meetup. The app is for like minded people that join events together. You can pick your interests and join different events/outings in your area. The same with Airbnb experiences. Obviously now isn’t the best time for this, but it hopefully will be soon.

Talk to People Around You

Talk to anyone and everyone you encounter. Talk to your barista, your dry cleaner, your grocery store cashier, your bank teller, your friend’s friends that you meet, your train conductor and so on. It might take you talking to 50 people to make 1 friend, but that’s 1 more friend that you didn’t have before. 

I know it’s hard to make friends here. It took me ages to do so. But I finally did. I could have made friends much sooner if I actually put some effort into it. I thought that I’d make friends so easily, like I did in the USA. But it doesn’t work like that here. You’re not going to make friends if you don’t put yourself out there. It’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. And yes, it’s annoying to meet like 50 people to make 1 good friend, but it’s worth it. Your life is here now, and you deserve to be happy. Most people are happy when they have friends.